


who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?

by Dresupi



Series: Fool Me Once; Fool Me Twice (April Fool's Crack Smut) [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempted Lap Dance, Crack, Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, EVERYTHING GOES WRONG, F/M, Humor, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sexual Roleplay, Strip Tease, Strip Tease Malfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 01:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Darcy gets all dolled up to do a roleplay strip tease with Pietro, and everything's going great until things get kind of...sticky?Written for the Darcyland April Fool's Smut Challenge, Day 7 : Striptease Malfunction





	

**Author's Note:**

> Read about the Smut Challenge [here](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/157863665183/hey-guys-have-you-ever-wanted-a-reason-to)
> 
> Special thanks to leftennant and merideath for their advice and help headcanoning this one! <3

Darcy wasn’t sure what her first mistake of the day was, but she could definitely put her finger on which one was the biggest.   

It was such a rookie mistake, too.  And when it came to working around Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, with an occasional side of Scott Lang, Darcy definitely had moved out of her rookie status.  

Careless.  It was totally careless of her.  

It all started with her decision to blow Pietro’s mind.  

Okay.  She blew his mind (and other things) on a fairly regular basis.  But she wanted to REALLY knock his socks off.  Because she was a good girlfriend.  And she loved him.  And...he tended to give as good as he got, so maybe there were  _ some _ selfish reasons as well.  

She found the Red Riding Hood costume online.  The  _ sexy _ Red Riding Hood costume.  There was a cloak, a tear-away peasant blouse, a corset, and layers upon layers of lacy petticoats beneath the sinfully short skirt.  She also had thigh-high fishnets leftover from Halloween and a black garter belt.  

And the piéce de résistance? A pair of positively tiny black lace panties with many ribbons and other accents. The cutest of which were these tiny pearl beads woven into the lace design.  They were hot.  They looked good on her.  She was kind of excited to do this.  

The really fun thing about Pietro was his willingness to participate.  So she’d also purchased a pair of wolf ears for him.  So he could...ya know.  Eat her up.  

She was looking at her freshly laundered costume pieces when she realized that some of the little pearl accent pieces were coming off the panties.  Which totally figured.  They were the only part of the costume that she’d bought from a different vendor, and they weren’t as well made as the rest of it.  As was made apparent by their trip through the delicate cycle.   

And of course, all her sewing stuff was in storage, so she’d have to get creative with her fix-it.

* * *

 

_ Darcy realized now that could have run up to the drug store for a sewing kit.  If she had, Pietro would be face deep in her, and she wouldn’t want to crawl into a hole somewhere and die….   _

_ But she didn’t go to the drug store.  She went down to the lab.   _

* * *

 

Bruce wasn’t there, he was on another one of his plant finding sabbaticals, but she knew all of his combination codes, so she was able to open the drawer to his desk and pull out the little tube of glue he used to fix his glasses.  

If she recalled correctly, this stuff was  _ the shit _ , because he could apply it to the joints of his specs and they would still work.  For a dude who broke his glasses as much as Bruce “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” Banner did, this was a godsend.  

AND, if she was  _ deducing _ correctly, it would be perfect for the little pearl beads that were coming off her panties. She could reattach them and not leave the fabric stiff and unyielding like super glue or hot glue would.  

She had PLANS for these panties and those plans involved a super sexy lap dance, if Pietro would let her get that far.  

* * *

 

_ If Darcy had ACTUALLY been thinking correctly, she’d have read the warning label Bruce had taped around the small tube.  The handwritten label that warned against contact with the glue after it started drying.  The label that said it would be safest to wait 24 hours after gluing  _ _ before  _ _ attempting to use or touch the area again.   _

_ But, she wasn’t thinking correctly, so she didn’t read that warning label at all.   _

_ Nope, she whisked that glue away with her and glued her pearls back onto her panties.  Then, she lay them in front of her oscillating fan to speed up the drying process while she finished getting ready. _

* * *

 

The quinjet was slated to arrive from the upstate training facility in approximately an hour. Which meant that she had...approximately an hour and five minutes to finish getting ready and swallow her nerves.  

She was planning to meet him in the living room.  Give him a little striptease where she removed the peasant blouse but not the corset, her panties, but not the skirt.  And then let the Big Bad Wolf finish her off.  

She had just pulled on the panties and connected her garters to the fishnet stockings when she heard the door open.  She slipped into her red heels and gathered her courage.  Grasping her phone like a lifeline, she opened up her music app.

“Darce?”  she heard Pietro call from the living room.  

“Hey babe!” she answered, trying to keep her voice even.  “You alone?”  

“Yes.”  There was a beat of silence before he continued.  She could practically hear the salacious grin creeping across his face.  “Why?  Are you naked?”  

She stepped out from the bedroom, leaning up against the doorframe, trying to ignore how his jaw dropped.  Her cheeks flushed crimson as she answered him.  “Not yet, but maybe we shouldn’t rush things?”  

Darcy started the song she’d chosen, sort of a slower, thumping beat, rather than anything super strippy sounding.  She was wearing three-inch heels.  Slow and sensual was her game here.  Slow and sensual were her friends.     

He sat down on the sofa, running his hands down the tops of his thighs.  “This is...you look…” He caught her gaze for a moment as she pulled the hood up over her head.  “I love you.”  

She grinned, reaching into the pocket of the cloak and winking, produced his wolf ears.  “Because...my goodness, Pietro, what big teeth you have.”   

An absolutely wolfish grin spread across his face and he reached for her. “That’s not the only thing that’s big…”

She bit her lip to keep from laughing.  “I think your line is, ‘All the better to eat you with, my dear…’”   

He shifted down in the seat a little.  “Do you want me to eat, or do you want me to watch?” he murmured, brushing his fingers down the swell of her breast to her ribs and continuing down her torso.  “Because I’ll eat if that’s what you want,  _ princeza…”   _

“Maybe give it a few minutes?  I’ve been practicing...” Darcy bit her lip so she wouldn’t nervous laugh in the middle of her super sexy striptease. 

She pushed his hands down to her hips, which she began to sway back and forth.  They tightened on her hips, rucking up her skirts just enough to see the garters beneath them.  She took the hint and ran her hands up her thighs, plucking at the garters and flashing a peek of the lacy underwear.   

His eyes were dark and following her hands as she reached up to untie the cloak, letting it fall in a pool of red velvet at her feet.  

She arched an eyebrow and tugged at the ribbon in the front of her peasant blouse, untying and loosening it.  Tugging up on it,  she pulled it up and out from her corset, freeing her breasts.  As she yanked it away, she slid her hands back up her belly to cup herself, thumbs tweaking her nipples and making Pietro gulp as he watched her.  

His hands moved up her waist, pulling her into his lap with a growl.  

Okay, so those wolf ears were the best thing she’d ever bought.  That growl of his was getting her all hot and bothered.    

She ground herself in his lap, feeling the stiffness of his growing erection through his track pants.  

He pressed his lips to her throat, nipping lightly at her skin.  While her plan had been to keep his hands and lips off her for as long as possible, they felt so good that she couldn’t bring herself to stop him.  She’d  _ bought _ this outfit, after all, it wasn’t like this was a one-time deal.  She’d be Red Riding Hood for him anytime he felt especially Big Bad Wolfish.  

She looped his arms around her waist so she could arch her back, pressing her breasts up towards his face as her hips kept undulating to the slow, grinding beat of the song.  

He growled again as she straightened, sliding his hands up her back. They moved around her torso to cup her breasts. “I  _ want _ to eat you…” he rasped, his eyebrow quirking upwards.  His tongue flicked out against her nipple, swirling and teasing.  “Would you like that?”  

She hummed her affirmation, nodding rapidly as his tongue flicked against her again before he covered her nipple entirely with his mouth.  

His beard scratched against her skin.  Maybe it was that she hadn’t seen him in a week, but it really looked longer and thicker than it had been previously.    

“Mmmmm, I can’t wait...you smell so good,  _ princeza… _ ”  

Pietro coaxed her up on her knees as he slid down a little ways on the couch, ducking his head under the skirts.  She could feel him nosing around her lacy panties, a groan stuck in his throat as he pressed soft kisses against her mound.  

Her thighs quivered with the anticipation of his mouth against her bare skin.  

“Ow…” he muttered, tugging a little at her panties.  

“You okay down there?” she asked.  

“Yes, I’m fine...just snagged my beard on your lacy underthings…” His hand stroked soothingly at her thigh.  

She giggled and rocked gently against his face.

“OW.”  This one was a little louder than before.  “I am stuck…”  

“What?” she frowned and pulled up the skirt to have a look.  He gingerly pulled his face back, only to return to his previously position.  

“I appear to be stuck to your panties. Not that I am complaining...if I could be stuck anywhere, it would be right where I am right now...”  

Darcy frowned.  “What, why would you be--” She stopped and gasped as the realization hit.  “Oh my god, the glue.”  

“Glue?  Why is there glue on your panties? Do I want to know?”  

“Some of the beads were coming off so I used some of Bruce’s super glue to re-stick them…hold on a sec…” She started to stand up, but his arms around around her hips to stop her.  

“Wait...take them off first?  Maybe? Otherwise, I’m coming with you.”  

“Oh right!  Of course...I’m so sorry, Pietro!”  They somehow maneuvered her out of her panties without ripping off Pietro’s beard.  

She scurried over to the kitchen drawer where she’d stashed Bruce’s glue.  She read the label, appalled that she hadn’t done so to begin with.  “Oh my god...I was supposed to let it dry for 24 hours!”  

Her hand came up to cover her mouth, and a nervous laugh bubbled out when she looked at Pietro on the couch, with her lacy panties stuck to his face.  

She bit down on her bottom lip.  “I can...get the scissors?”  

He shrugged. “That would be great, thank you.”  

So that was how Darcy found herself cutting panties off her boyfriend’s beard instead of making full use of the sexy costume she’d purchased.  

“I’m so sorry, Piet…” she said for the millionth time.  “I’m sure this is the last thing you want to be doing…”  She finally snipped the last patch of hair off and balled the sad, bearded panties up into her hand.  

He arched an eyebrow and peered into the mirror at her handywork.  AKA the large nearly bald patch right under his left cheekbone.  He laughed.  “I’m going to have to shave.”  

Darcy covered her face.  “I am so sorry, Piet…”  

He leaned down to kiss her lips.  “Go wait for me in the bedroom...don’t change your clothes...I’m still a big bad wolf.”  

She sat down primly on the edge of the bed to wait for him.  He appeared in the doorway a few minutes later.  Darcy couldn’t for the life of her imagine how he didn’t cut the crap out of himself shaving that fast.  But he didn’t.  No nicks in sight.  Just a clean shaven face and that crooked grin she loved so much.

He had undressed, was wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs. Readjusting the wolf ears, he stalked towards her, appearing in a blur of movement on the floor between her legs. He parted them, licking his lips at the sight.  “Still hungry…” he murmured before ducking down between them.   

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/), if that's a thing you do. <3


End file.
